Mr. & Mrs. Peters were in town on a Saturday night and they got separated. Wanting to go home, she began searching for her husband, Bob. Passing a barber shop, she stopped, opened the door and asked,"Bob Peters in here?" "No Maam" said the barber,"Just shaves and haircuts"
Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he'd purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier.
Our dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase, so I cut the stains out of the old carpet.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
An old man and an old woman were sitting together on their front porch.
I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins laying down in the sun. I let my talking cats out and the kitten said to her mom, ''I'm hungry!'' So the mother cat said, ''What would you like?'' The kitten replied, ''I don't know!''
A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar, drinking, when the bartender asked him why his head was so small. The man sighed.
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”